Annette Bening Movie Reviews

Brooklyn's completely necessary Annette Bening Post.


What Planet Are You From?





This is clearly the funniest movie you’ve never seen. I’m guessing you’ve never seen it, because most people haven’t. BUT IT’S EPIC SAUCE. Seriously? The entire premise is brill. An alien from outer space comes to Earth to have a baby so he can take over the world. It’s a little more complicated than that, but at the same time… it’s really not. And Annette Bening’s all “I won’t have sex until I’m married because I’m a recovering drug addict, YO.” BUT ANYWAY- they get married because they are clearly horny. There is a montage of Vegas. It’s pretty. And has lights. She also has a three month pregnancy? Idk- the ENTIRE movie is SO hilarious. I’m making it sound weird- but it’s AMAZING. Especially when Annette tells Gary Shandling she’s pregnant, she sings and dances. SINGS AND DANCES, FOOLS. They also have sex ALL the time because he’s trying to get her pregnant so he can take over the world- obvs… and she’s all “If I would’ve known we were going to do it during dinner I wouldn’t have ordered the soup.” It’s actually a very classy movie, Mike Nichols directed it. <- I act as if that automatically makes it classy. The man directed The Graduate and went on to direct a movie called What Planet Are You From? Seriously? What’s he doing with his life? BEING AWESOME, THAT’S WHAT. I love that man’s talent. Anyway- John Goodman’s in it, and he fights with his wife a lot and hilarity ensues. “She’s in a wheelchair, Nadine.” “SHE’S STILL A SLUT.” I really don’t know where that was going, but it’s one of the most amazing moments of this movie. It’s actually probably the funniest movie Annette has ever been in and I enjoyed it so ridiculously much. Netflix this shit if you want a laugh. It’s not stupid humor, it’s very much human nature humor. It’s a lot of studying of psychology of people and why they say and do what they say and do. And it’s just so funny. I’ll shut up now.







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Bugsy



The amount of love I have for this movie far exceeds my love for my siblings, best friends and future lovers combined. Let’s talk about how this movie is pure sex. Pure, unadulterated, period-piece, Hollywood glamour, gangster sex. I’m in love. I seriously did my 10 page research paper in history of cinema on Mafia Movies JUST so I could ramble about this movie for three or so pages and fangirl Annette and Warren. CLEARLY I got an A. Their love cannot be denied, even by my insanely boring idiotic HoC professor. I digress… I should probably preface this by saying that the theatrical version of this movie is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Ever. The extended directors cut? BEST EVER. I’m obsessed with it. OKAY SO: Warren gets all randomly suicidal and Annette grabs the gun and HILARITY ENSUES. Really? It’s not supposed to be funny. She’s shooting chandeliers and shit and it’s all way too goddamned serious- but THEN she SCREAMS “I LOVE YOU GODDAMNIT.” And shoots a piano. A FRAKKING PIANO. How is that not the funniest thing you’ve ever heard in your life? AND there are so many other people in this movie that are worth mentioning. FIRST OFF: Elliot Gould- because Barbra is destined to be my best friend. That’s clearly the only reason he is in this movie. No, in all seriousness- he gets shot out by some train tracks and it’s EPICLY sad because you’re like “Oh…Ben Seigel is human…and feels remorse. SAD TIMES, WARREN.” And then Annette!VirginiaHill gets all scared and “SHIT SON. My Boyfriend is Lyke Totally a Killer, Yo” even though she already knew that. And Bebe Neuwirth is randomly in it? As a Countess who is frakking Warren. Because really? Who isn’t frakking Warren in this movie? Or in real life for that matter? Not the point. SO Annette gets all jealous and calls her a Cuntess. HOW ARE YOU NOT WATCHING THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW? You’re such a failure. Now, I get that some people don’t get the complexities of the gangster politics in this movie, and it’s understandable because I’ve read up on these people but seriously? It’s worth it just for Annette epic clothes and Warren being badass and the two of them going at it every other scene. OH and Annette!VirginiaHill LETS THEM KNOW WHOS BOSS. For serious. Remember when she left Warren in a dessert? She just drove off because she felt like it. ACE. My hero. Right there. I would legit shoot someone for the costumes in this movie. LEGIT.
QUOTES.
"Bugsy" Siegel: Got a light?
Virginia: The way you were looking at me, I thought you were going to ask for something more interesting.
"Bugsy" Siegel: Like what?
Virginia: Use your imagination.
"Bugsy" Siegel: I'm using it.
Virginia: ...Let me know when you're finished.
^I adore this. SO MUCH.
Virginia: Well…my oh my, you're pretty ferocious for a mom's concern, aren't ya? The rest of the time you're just some good-looking, sweet-talking, charm-oozing, fuck-happy fellow with nothing to offer but some dialogue. Dialogue is cheap in Hollywood Ben... why don't you run outside and jerk yourself a soda.
^See how epicly fierce this girl is? I mean, she’s a beast. It’s fantastic. GAH. This movie is perfection.









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Open Range



Annette Bening stars in: A western? WHAT? WHAT is the craziness of this movie? Must be some Kevin Costner movie…Oh? Oh it is? Oh…okay. SO….it’s actually a legitimately made western… doesn’t quite make it better. Confession: I totally only watched the Annette parts. But really? Annette in a prairie skirt? Necessary? Idk. Hilarious? Absolutely. It’s obviously a Kevin Costner film, and I actually HAVE seen the entire movie at one point in time and it’s fascinating. BUT since then, I’ve only seen the Annette parts. SO. It’s a western. Now that you’ve decided to never see this movie, let me reiterate: IT’S A WESTERN. Okay. Point across. Moving on. Annette plays the sister of the small western town’s only doctor- which would make it easy for Kevin Costner to mistake her for the doctor’s wife. WHICH HE DOES. Who called it? That would be me. Not predictable at all, Costner. Well done, lad. Anyway, she’s flirting with him and he’s flirting with her throughout the course of the movie, then he tries to kill her when he’s in a drunken sleep state and she takes care of him and then she says she’s not the doctor’s wife and they make out when she’s gardening. Typical boy-meets-girl in a western type setting if you ask me. There’s more, but I won’t bore you- EXCEPT: I’m obsessed with Annette’s hair in this movie. SERIOUS. And this is actually a really good western. If..you’re into westerns. Which I’m not. Obviously.










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The American President



Let’s talk about how I can quote every single word of this movie. I’m what you call insane, and I love politics…and love movies about politics. I especially love movies that mix love and politics. It’s SO awesome. This is one of the few movies I can fall asleep to, just because I have the entire movie memorized. I watch it on an EXTREMELY regular basis..it’s pretty sick actually. I’ve probably seen it more than any other movie in existence besides The Graduate. Okay so anyway- The American President. Basically Michael Douglas is the president and Annette Bening is a lobbyist for an environmental activist corporation called the Global Defense Council and Michael’s all worried about passing this ridiculous crime bill that won’t do anything? And Annette’s all “SAVE FOSSIL FUELS, BITCH” and then she gets pissed at him and talks about how much he sucks as a president and he walks in. HILARITY. Seriously though, I want to be Sydney Ellen Wade (annette’s character) and I want all of this to happen to me. It’s such a great movie. I can’t even make fun of it. That’s how much I love it. And it could REALLY be made fun of if someone felt the need to. But I can’t. It’s too near and dear to my heart.





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American Beauty


I WILL SELL THIS HOUSE TODAY. Yes…yes you will Annette. I believe in you. I could watch this movie every day of my life. I know it’s pretentious and every film student ever is obsessed with it, but I really COULD watch it every day. I adore it whole-heartedly. Let’s talk about how much fun it is to see her rock out in a car to Don’t Rain On My Parade. Or be frustrated with her husband in a car. Or to see her scream in a car. Or go through a drive-through in a car. Really? She spends 85% of her screen time in a two-ton motor vehicle. Which, if you ask me, is screen time well spent. I just adore her character. For serious. I feel for her. All she wants is perfection…IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? Apparently, Kevin Spacey. APPARENTLY. This movie basically teaches us that if you settle in suburbia you sell your soul. Which is a necessary lesson to learn.





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Regarding Henry



People have a tendency to make fun of me because I own this movie and adore it. Granted, they’ve (Emily and Kate) never seen this movie but for some reason, they still have the guts to make fun of me for it. BUT THEY WONT WATCH IT WITH ME. So sad. ANYWAY- the movie is actually amazing. Harrison Ford is a complete jackass, and he’s married to Annette Bening but doesn’t deserve her and then he gets shot in the head. THE END. Just kidding- it’s actually all about how he has to re-learn who he is and he becomes this amazing man and it saves their marriage basically. It’s presh. But what makes this movie perfect is that Annette’s hair length changes in every scene. One scene she’ll have short short hair, the next scene it will be past her shoulders, and back and forth. Continuity much? Idk Mike Nichols directed it and it’s a very uplifting movie. I only really watch the Annette parts though because there’s only so much Harrison Ford painting his feelings at Rehab a girl can take.







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Love Affair



This is quite possibly the best worst movie ever made. I adore it so much. But seriously? It’s so easy to make fun of. Basically the entire movie is filmed through a fuzzy pink lens. WHO DOESN’T LOVE THE 1990s? So Annette and Warren are paired in the remake of Love Affair and just for good measure they threw in Katharine Hepburn and Pierce Brosnan. Typical cast. No big deal or anything… Katharine Hepburn talks for about 20 minutes in the movie about the difference in mating habits of ducks and mating habits of swans and horses. METAPHORS RUN AMUCK. And then she plays piano while Annette hums along and Warren gazes adoringly in their direction. Tell me you don’t want to see this movie….LIES. You know you do. SO the basic premise is that Warren is a famous manwhore who meets Annette, his match and changes his ways for her. ART IMITATING LIFE, MUCH? Basically they’re playing themselves in a plane-crashed setting. And then Annette gets hit by a car. Girl has a rough couple of months, clearly. Don’t worry. You don’t see it. The cars are literally stuck in traffic, there’s no WAY getting hit by a car would paralyze her, but they make sure not to show you that. HA. But she loves him too much to tell him…blah blah. Actually it’s incredibly sweet but I don’t want to bore you. OH And Warren paints pretty pictures. And Annette gets to play with little kids a lot, which is just fun.








This last picture was just necessary because necessary is necessary.








THE END.

Mary McDonnell Movie Reviews

Brooklyn's Completely Necessary Mary McDonnell Post.




Okay pals, this post has been a long time coming. A VERY long time coming. It’s a Mary McDonnell post~ as if every post isn’t, but this post is where I put my opinions of some of her crazy movies. WTF Mary’s Career before BSG? Anyway- it’s amazing. SO There are a lot of spoilers coming…if you don’t care about that- read on. If you do, then just read the ones of the movie’s you’ve seen. It’s more my opinion of how apeshit her character choices were before BSG. There is going to be another post after this one sometime, just because her apeshit movies are way too many to fill into just one post. ALSO: Feel free not to agree with me on this stuff but please don’t bitch at me about not thinking what you do. I have a very weird take on movies, so I don’t usually agree with a lot of people. If I offend you, you can let me know and we can agree to disagree- or we can even start a discussion about it, but please don’t get all “IM BETTER THAN YOUS KTHX.” BUT HERE WE GO:

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INDEPENDENCE DAY


SONG FOR MOVIE: Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance ...if for no other reason than I am disenchanted by this movie

Okay. First off let’s talk about how this is the most over-rated movie OF ALL TIME. FOR SERIOUS. Move over American Beauty (WHICH I LOVE) and The Virgin Suicides (Which…I’ve never seen), Most Pretentious Movie has a new front-runner. Now, I have seen this movie before when I was like…8 or something ridiculous like that, so I tivoed it yesterday for a re-viewing through a McDonnell lense. WTF INDEPENDENCE DAY? Give our girl a total of 6 minutes of screen time? NOT OKAY. Granted, she was spectacular- as everyone would expect her to be. BUT WHAT? Emily and I both had ideas as to how to make this movie better after we viewed it. “MARY McDONNELL AS: ALIEN SHIP” – she would have gotten SO MUCH MORE SCREEN TIME. Or how about? “MARY McDONNELL AS : Little Girl.”- she’d get to wear a cool hat at the end, and again- more screen time. PLUS: She died. REALLY? The woman has a trend in her career, clearly- every time her characters are in a position of true power THEY DIE. And the doctors just kind of stood there? I mean, you’d think the first lady would get better doctors, my god. “We can’t stop the bleeding internally.” WELL CLEARLY YOU DIDN’T TRY. SHE’S STILL MOVING. Woman would have died in surgery. Do they know NOTHING of medical practice? “Hey let’s tape her arm with an IV and make it look like she’s dying.” Girl had to act under horrible conditions, clearly… people not knowing what they’re talking about. OY. Anyway- the picture for this one is tiny because so is her role. BUT SHE’S AMAZING. Seriously- three of her lines are “LIAR” and it’s adorable x3234897. You know what would make this movie better? More Mary.






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DONNIE DARKO.



SONG FOR MOVIE: Mad World by Gary Jules - some people think this song is creepy but I'm obsessed with it. K? Kay.

Now, once you get past the creepy-potentially-imaginary-bunny aspect of this movie? IT’S SO COOL. Everyone is in this movie. Seriously. It’s kind of ridiculous. Patrick Swayze being the head of an underground kiddie porn ring? TOTALLY BRILL. Daveigh Chase rocking out dance routines for no apparent reason? ACE. Katharine Ross…being Katharine Ross? NECESSARY. Drew Barrymore?<-actually I don’t really think Drew Barrymore’s character has any point in this movie except for a reason to put Drew Barrymore in the movie. No high school teacher acts like that…I live with one. I know. I WISH she acted like that. Really? After you get past the absurdity of these people all doing a movie together, it’s ridiculous. It’s actually a lot more “normal” then I thought it would be? I was freaked out to watch it, but a lot of people told me it was good on facebook? I watched it, and srsly- our girl Mary Mc broke my heart. BROKE IT. But she was SO amazing. This movie is also VERY quotable. Don’t believe me?: CHECK IT.
Donnie: [to his mother] How's it feel to have a wacko for a son?
Rose Darko: It feels wonderful.
TEARS, PEOPLE. TEARSSSSSSS. OR how about in the first scene Maggie Gyllenhaal and Mary basically throw sexism in everyone’s faces and are like “PSH WOMEN CAN MAKE MONEY BITCHES.” Not exactly like that, but you get the gist. Seriously, this movie has so much amazingness going on. I love it.
Gretchen: You're weird.
Donnie: Sorry.
Gretchen: No, that was a compliment.
UM I WISH I WAS COOL ENOUGH TO BE CALLED WEIRD IN HIGH SCHOOL. Wait a minute…
That was also necessary to your lives. This movie says a lot about non-conformity and how it’s not a bad thing not to fit in. I truly love the messages in this movie, and I just WISH it didn’t have anything to do with a creepy rabbit hallucination. ALSO: I don’t feel like I understand the complexities of this movie AT ALL. But I definitely try. Mary Mc did very well in choosing this movie. The script is perfection x239048.





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NOLA.



SONG FOR MOVIE: Overboard by Ingrid Michaelson - because it works for Emmy Rossum's character. AND I LOVE THIS SONG.

What? Really? WHAT? I remember being obsessed with this movie when I was thirteen and CLEARLY had no taste. You know what would make this movie better? A script. SERIOUSLY. Probably the worst screenplay to ever make it into a movie. NO character development AT ALL. All that aside…I do kind of guiltily love this movie. And I love Emmy Rossum. I do, and Mary and Emmy together is amazing and ..ugh. It was brilliantly acted with a horrible script. AND IT SUCKS because it had SUCH POTENTIAL. The potential was palpable. PALPABLE I TELL YOU. The story was so gooooood, if only they had hired a screenwriter. Any screenwriter…AT ALL. I’m not picky. OY. Not to mention- the end was totally SHARK JUMPING. Seriously. It’s like they made jumping the shark a sport and took it all they way to the olympics. AWFUL. But you need quotes.
Nola: I don't do men for money. Women either, for that matter.
Margaret Langworthy: Neither do I, honey. At least not anymore.
That’s like..the best line in the movie. Clearly. BUT Mary is super pretty as is Emmy so it’s kind of worth watching just so you can laugh at how ridiculously awful the decision to make this movie was. And Mary Mc as an upscale New York City Madame is kind of the truest thing ever. Especially when Emmy and Mary get all bffs with a drag queen. Seriously the absurdity makes it AMAZING/SLASH/AWFUL.






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PASSION FISH.




SONG FOR MOVIE: At This Point In My Life- Tracy Chapman - seriously. This song IS this movie. Don't believe me- LYRIC IT.

Oh Passion Fish…I am so passionate about Passion Fish. Not kidding. It’s pretty much one of my favorite movies of all time. When it ended I almost cried just for the fact that I wouldn’t get to hang out with the characters. When it occurred to me that they weren’t real, I was LEGIT upset. LEGIT. I’m CRAZY tempted to screencap the entire movie and deconstruct it. Y/Y? Soon enough. Basically the entire time I watched this movie my fangirl came out. When I watch a movie I get REALLY excited about, I literally stop in the middle of it about 15 times JUST to talk about how amazing it is. FOR SERIOUS. That, and I want the movie to last longer? I guess? And that way it does. Well I stopped watching Passion Fish probably 80 times…and when Emily, Judy and Kate all started to ignore my epic fangirling, I started talking to myself. Not intentionally- but I paused the movie more than four times and just said “AWWW MARYYYYYYY.” YES.
SO In the beginning of this movie Mary is CUTTING BITCHES. I was like “Shit son. It’s Anna Wintour at Rehab!” Cutting bitches and taking no prisoners. AND THEN you add alcohol into the mix, which I am ALWAYS a fan of- blatant alcoholism is pretty much my favorite thing in the world. It’s yours too, don’t lie. So when she’s throwing eggs and watching infomercials at 4am, she basically became me every day of my life. Only I totally wasn’t sideswiped by a taxi that I can recall. So…actually nothing like me at all. Whatever, a girl can dream-can’t she? LET’S TALK ABOUT DAVID STRAIGHTHAM IN THIS MOVIE. Why are he and Mary in basically every movie ever together? No idea. But they have an unnecessary make-out session/sex scene in basically every movie ever made. Even if it’s just a dream- as is the case in this movie. OMG IT’S A MIRACLE SHE CAN WALK! Just kidding. <-that’s exactly how the movie goes. In case you were wondering. ANYWAY: Him having five kids and a wife? LOSE. But Mary not caring at all? WIN.

ALSO: We must talk about the ridiculous woman that replaces Mary Mc on her soap opera. “I didn’t ask for the anal probe.” HA. WHAT? HA. Okay people that haven’t seen this movie are going to be ridiculously confused/slash/not want to see this movie now. When that girl went into her southern-infused recollection of her big break I almost decapitated a baby. That's how alarmed I was. I don't really see the point in it? I guess a lot of people thought it was funny, and I guess it was, but I was just more "WHO CARES, SON- MORE MARY."
Alfre Woodard in this movie...there are not words. Although I don't really get what that whole thing with Sugar was? Oh, so now that you're off drugs you need to start having sex on a more regular basis? I guess someone in the movie has to, since Mary's character CLEARLY wasn't. Don't get me started on the bathtub scene where Mary talks about BJs. Seriously? This movie goes EVERYWHERE. No boundaries. Except..it doesn't go places you can walk. Which is just about everywhere. PICTURE TIME







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REPLACING DAD.


SONG FOR MOVIE: You Don't Own Me- Diane Keaton, Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn -- NECESSARY.

I love everything about this movie. EVEN the southern accents. and the random suicide attempts. And Mary hitting a rapist with a baton. WHICH SHOULD CLEARLY HAPPEN IN EVERY MOVIE EVER, YO. Plus- Camilla Belle is adorable in this movie, and her and Mary are BIFFS. It's amazing. I'm not going to go in depth in this movie because there is just TOO MUCH LOVE here. But I believe you should watch it for all of it's Hallmark-Lifetime style goodness. Seriously. Woman is...well...normal, and then she realizes that being normal SUCKS and she turns into AWESOME. After her husband cheats on her, of course- BUT THAT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN- because men are pigs. Which this movie also teaches us... LOVE IT.








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MRS. HARRIS.



SONG FOR MOVIE: If Love Were All- Rufus Wainwright because it came on my itunes random and i thought of this movie. WORD.

Okay this movie is batshit. Not even a normal level of batshit..but APESHIT BATSHIT. That's how batshit it is. For those of you who don't know, I'm completely obsessed with Annette Bening. SO the fact that Annette Bening and Mary Mc are in a movie TOGETHER kind of makes my fangirl explode with rainbows and butterflies. That's how happy I get. BUT IT'S SO APESHIT. ALSO: the girl from Big Love is in it, so everytime I see this movie I'm like "OMG ITS NICKI. AND SHES NOT A POLYGAMIST. But she's stealing Annettes boyfriend- DIE BITCH" But annette doesn't kill her. She kills him instead. And it happens in like the first scene. I really don't know how I feel about this movie because I really don't like it, but it's so incredibly full of talent that I feel I need to watch it 80 times anyway. BUT Annette and Mary's ONE scene together is ridiculous. Poor Annette is all heartbroken and lonely and Mary pays attention to her awkward friend. That's what they are- AWKWARDBESTIES. Not unlike me and my best friend... only, I so wouldn't shoot my boyfriend...She might...



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TWO SMALL VOICES.



SONG FOR MOVIE: Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves - nuf said.

This movie is SO freaking heartbreaking/slash/amazing. Except Mary's character isn't only cancer-stricken and a victim of faulty breast implants, but also- she's bipolar. I'm diagnosing it right now. Because the editing in this movie is clearly done by a drunken college film student at some low-rate mid-western university. NOT LIEIN'. One scene she's on the verge of a divorce-the next she's happily married- the next she's on the verge of shooting her husband. And it's not like anything in the story has developed or changed to bring on this weirdness. OKAY SO: I love Gail O'Grady because I had a random obsession with American Dreams for a while and girl is fierce- BUT NOT AS FIERCE AS MARY. OMG Remember when Mary almost took a chain saw to Gail's neck at lunch because she found out she got implants for *GASP-COSMETIC REASONS-ENDGASP* Okay. Seriously though, this movie isn't exactly the best script- but Mary rocks it, as does Gail. The editing is pretty atrocious, but we look past that because it clearly didn't have a big budget, but it did have a big story to tell.


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