Brooklyn's Completely Necessary Mary McDonnell Post.
Okay pals, this post has been a long time coming. A VERY long time coming. It’s a Mary McDonnell post~ as if every post isn’t, but this post is where I put my opinions of some of her crazy movies. WTF Mary’s Career before BSG? Anyway- it’s amazing. SO There are a lot of spoilers coming…if you don’t care about that- read on. If you do, then just read the ones of the movie’s you’ve seen. It’s more my opinion of how apeshit her character choices were before BSG. There is going to be another post after this one sometime, just because her apeshit movies are way too many to fill into just one post. ALSO: Feel free not to agree with me on this stuff but please don’t bitch at me about not thinking what you do. I have a very weird take on movies, so I don’t usually agree with a lot of people. If I offend you, you can let me know and we can agree to disagree- or we can even start a discussion about it, but please don’t get all “IM BETTER THAN YOUS KTHX.” BUT HERE WE GO:
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INDEPENDENCE DAY
SONG FOR MOVIE: Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance ...if for no other reason than I am disenchanted by this movie
Okay. First off let’s talk about how this is the most over-rated movie OF ALL TIME. FOR SERIOUS. Move over American Beauty (WHICH I LOVE) and The Virgin Suicides (Which…I’ve never seen), Most Pretentious Movie has a new front-runner. Now, I have seen this movie before when I was like…8 or something ridiculous like that, so I tivoed it yesterday for a re-viewing through a McDonnell lense. WTF INDEPENDENCE DAY? Give our girl a total of 6 minutes of screen time? NOT OKAY. Granted, she was spectacular- as everyone would expect her to be. BUT WHAT? Emily and I both had ideas as to how to make this movie better after we viewed it. “MARY McDONNELL AS: ALIEN SHIP” – she would have gotten SO MUCH MORE SCREEN TIME. Or how about? “MARY McDONNELL AS : Little Girl.”- she’d get to wear a cool hat at the end, and again- more screen time. PLUS: She died. REALLY? The woman has a trend in her career, clearly- every time her characters are in a position of true power THEY DIE. And the doctors just kind of stood there? I mean, you’d think the first lady would get better doctors, my god. “We can’t stop the bleeding internally.” WELL CLEARLY YOU DIDN’T TRY. SHE’S STILL MOVING. Woman would have died in surgery. Do they know NOTHING of medical practice? “Hey let’s tape her arm with an IV and make it look like she’s dying.” Girl had to act under horrible conditions, clearly… people not knowing what they’re talking about. OY. Anyway- the picture for this one is tiny because so is her role. BUT SHE’S AMAZING. Seriously- three of her lines are “LIAR” and it’s adorable x3234897. You know what would make this movie better? More Mary.
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DONNIE DARKO.
SONG FOR MOVIE: Mad World by Gary Jules - some people think this song is creepy but I'm obsessed with it. K? Kay.
Now, once you get past the creepy-potentially-imaginary-bunny aspect of this movie? IT’S SO COOL. Everyone is in this movie. Seriously. It’s kind of ridiculous. Patrick Swayze being the head of an underground kiddie porn ring? TOTALLY BRILL. Daveigh Chase rocking out dance routines for no apparent reason? ACE. Katharine Ross…being Katharine Ross? NECESSARY. Drew Barrymore?<-actually I don’t really think Drew Barrymore’s character has any point in this movie except for a reason to put Drew Barrymore in the movie. No high school teacher acts like that…I live with one. I know. I WISH she acted like that. Really? After you get past the absurdity of these people all doing a movie together, it’s ridiculous. It’s actually a lot more “normal” then I thought it would be? I was freaked out to watch it, but a lot of people told me it was good on facebook? I watched it, and srsly- our girl Mary Mc broke my heart. BROKE IT. But she was SO amazing. This movie is also VERY quotable. Don’t believe me?: CHECK IT.
Donnie: [to his mother] How's it feel to have a wacko for a son?
Rose Darko: It feels wonderful.
TEARS, PEOPLE. TEARSSSSSSS. OR how about in the first scene Maggie Gyllenhaal and Mary basically throw sexism in everyone’s faces and are like “PSH WOMEN CAN MAKE MONEY BITCHES.” Not exactly like that, but you get the gist. Seriously, this movie has so much amazingness going on. I love it.
Gretchen: You're weird.
Donnie: Sorry.
Gretchen: No, that was a compliment.
UM I WISH I WAS COOL ENOUGH TO BE CALLED WEIRD IN HIGH SCHOOL. Wait a minute…
That was also necessary to your lives. This movie says a lot about non-conformity and how it’s not a bad thing not to fit in. I truly love the messages in this movie, and I just WISH it didn’t have anything to do with a creepy rabbit hallucination. ALSO: I don’t feel like I understand the complexities of this movie AT ALL. But I definitely try. Mary Mc did very well in choosing this movie. The script is perfection x239048.
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NOLA.
SONG FOR MOVIE: Overboard by Ingrid Michaelson - because it works for Emmy Rossum's character. AND I LOVE THIS SONG.
What? Really? WHAT? I remember being obsessed with this movie when I was thirteen and CLEARLY had no taste. You know what would make this movie better? A script. SERIOUSLY. Probably the worst screenplay to ever make it into a movie. NO character development AT ALL. All that aside…I do kind of guiltily love this movie. And I love Emmy Rossum. I do, and Mary and Emmy together is amazing and ..ugh. It was brilliantly acted with a horrible script. AND IT SUCKS because it had SUCH POTENTIAL. The potential was palpable. PALPABLE I TELL YOU. The story was so gooooood, if only they had hired a screenwriter. Any screenwriter…AT ALL. I’m not picky. OY. Not to mention- the end was totally SHARK JUMPING. Seriously. It’s like they made jumping the shark a sport and took it all they way to the olympics. AWFUL. But you need quotes.
Nola: I don't do men for money. Women either, for that matter.
Margaret Langworthy: Neither do I, honey. At least not anymore.
That’s like..the best line in the movie. Clearly. BUT Mary is super pretty as is Emmy so it’s kind of worth watching just so you can laugh at how ridiculously awful the decision to make this movie was. And Mary Mc as an upscale New York City Madame is kind of the truest thing ever. Especially when Emmy and Mary get all bffs with a drag queen. Seriously the absurdity makes it AMAZING/SLASH/AWFUL.
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PASSION FISH.
SONG FOR MOVIE: At This Point In My Life- Tracy Chapman - seriously. This song IS this movie. Don't believe me- LYRIC IT.
Oh Passion Fish…I am so passionate about Passion Fish. Not kidding. It’s pretty much one of my favorite movies of all time. When it ended I almost cried just for the fact that I wouldn’t get to hang out with the characters. When it occurred to me that they weren’t real, I was LEGIT upset. LEGIT. I’m CRAZY tempted to screencap the entire movie and deconstruct it. Y/Y? Soon enough. Basically the entire time I watched this movie my fangirl came out. When I watch a movie I get REALLY excited about, I literally stop in the middle of it about 15 times JUST to talk about how amazing it is. FOR SERIOUS. That, and I want the movie to last longer? I guess? And that way it does. Well I stopped watching Passion Fish probably 80 times…and when Emily, Judy and Kate all started to ignore my epic fangirling, I started talking to myself. Not intentionally- but I paused the movie more than four times and just said “AWWW MARYYYYYYY.” YES.
SO In the beginning of this movie Mary is CUTTING BITCHES. I was like “Shit son. It’s Anna Wintour at Rehab!” Cutting bitches and taking no prisoners. AND THEN you add alcohol into the mix, which I am ALWAYS a fan of- blatant alcoholism is pretty much my favorite thing in the world. It’s yours too, don’t lie. So when she’s throwing eggs and watching infomercials at 4am, she basically became me every day of my life. Only I totally wasn’t sideswiped by a taxi that I can recall. So…actually nothing like me at all. Whatever, a girl can dream-can’t she? LET’S TALK ABOUT DAVID STRAIGHTHAM IN THIS MOVIE. Why are he and Mary in basically every movie ever together? No idea. But they have an unnecessary make-out session/sex scene in basically every movie ever made. Even if it’s just a dream- as is the case in this movie. OMG IT’S A MIRACLE SHE CAN WALK! Just kidding. <-that’s exactly how the movie goes. In case you were wondering. ANYWAY: Him having five kids and a wife? LOSE. But Mary not caring at all? WIN.
ALSO: We must talk about the ridiculous woman that replaces Mary Mc on her soap opera. “I didn’t ask for the anal probe.” HA. WHAT? HA. Okay people that haven’t seen this movie are going to be ridiculously confused/slash/not want to see this movie now. When that girl went into her southern-infused recollection of her big break I almost decapitated a baby. That's how alarmed I was. I don't really see the point in it? I guess a lot of people thought it was funny, and I guess it was, but I was just more "WHO CARES, SON- MORE MARY."
Alfre Woodard in this movie...there are not words. Although I don't really get what that whole thing with Sugar was? Oh, so now that you're off drugs you need to start having sex on a more regular basis? I guess someone in the movie has to, since Mary's character CLEARLY wasn't. Don't get me started on the bathtub scene where Mary talks about BJs. Seriously? This movie goes EVERYWHERE. No boundaries. Except..it doesn't go places you can walk. Which is just about everywhere. PICTURE TIME
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REPLACING DAD.
SONG FOR MOVIE: You Don't Own Me- Diane Keaton, Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn -- NECESSARY.
I love everything about this movie. EVEN the southern accents. and the random suicide attempts. And Mary hitting a rapist with a baton. WHICH SHOULD CLEARLY HAPPEN IN EVERY MOVIE EVER, YO. Plus- Camilla Belle is adorable in this movie, and her and Mary are BIFFS. It's amazing. I'm not going to go in depth in this movie because there is just TOO MUCH LOVE here. But I believe you should watch it for all of it's Hallmark-Lifetime style goodness. Seriously. Woman is...well...normal, and then she realizes that being normal SUCKS and she turns into AWESOME. After her husband cheats on her, of course- BUT THAT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN- because men are pigs. Which this movie also teaches us... LOVE IT.
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MRS. HARRIS.
SONG FOR MOVIE: If Love Were All- Rufus Wainwright because it came on my itunes random and i thought of this movie. WORD.
Okay this movie is batshit. Not even a normal level of batshit..but APESHIT BATSHIT. That's how batshit it is. For those of you who don't know, I'm completely obsessed with Annette Bening. SO the fact that Annette Bening and Mary Mc are in a movie TOGETHER kind of makes my fangirl explode with rainbows and butterflies. That's how happy I get. BUT IT'S SO APESHIT. ALSO: the girl from Big Love is in it, so everytime I see this movie I'm like "OMG ITS NICKI. AND SHES NOT A POLYGAMIST. But she's stealing Annettes boyfriend- DIE BITCH" But annette doesn't kill her. She kills him instead. And it happens in like the first scene. I really don't know how I feel about this movie because I really don't like it, but it's so incredibly full of talent that I feel I need to watch it 80 times anyway. BUT Annette and Mary's ONE scene together is ridiculous. Poor Annette is all heartbroken and lonely and Mary pays attention to her awkward friend. That's what they are- AWKWARDBESTIES. Not unlike me and my best friend... only, I so wouldn't shoot my boyfriend...She might...
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TWO SMALL VOICES.
SONG FOR MOVIE: Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves - nuf said.
This movie is SO freaking heartbreaking/slash/amazing. Except Mary's character isn't only cancer-stricken and a victim of faulty breast implants, but also- she's bipolar. I'm diagnosing it right now. Because the editing in this movie is clearly done by a drunken college film student at some low-rate mid-western university. NOT LIEIN'. One scene she's on the verge of a divorce-the next she's happily married- the next she's on the verge of shooting her husband. And it's not like anything in the story has developed or changed to bring on this weirdness. OKAY SO: I love Gail O'Grady because I had a random obsession with American Dreams for a while and girl is fierce- BUT NOT AS FIERCE AS MARY. OMG Remember when Mary almost took a chain saw to Gail's neck at lunch because she found out she got implants for *GASP-COSMETIC REASONS-ENDGASP* Okay. Seriously though, this movie isn't exactly the best script- but Mary rocks it, as does Gail. The editing is pretty atrocious, but we look past that because it clearly didn't have a big budget, but it did have a big story to tell.
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Okay pals, this post has been a long time coming. A VERY long time coming. It’s a Mary McDonnell post~ as if every post isn’t, but this post is where I put my opinions of some of her crazy movies. WTF Mary’s Career before BSG? Anyway- it’s amazing. SO There are a lot of spoilers coming…if you don’t care about that- read on. If you do, then just read the ones of the movie’s you’ve seen. It’s more my opinion of how apeshit her character choices were before BSG. There is going to be another post after this one sometime, just because her apeshit movies are way too many to fill into just one post. ALSO: Feel free not to agree with me on this stuff but please don’t bitch at me about not thinking what you do. I have a very weird take on movies, so I don’t usually agree with a lot of people. If I offend you, you can let me know and we can agree to disagree- or we can even start a discussion about it, but please don’t get all “IM BETTER THAN YOUS KTHX.” BUT HERE WE GO:
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INDEPENDENCE DAY
SONG FOR MOVIE: Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance ...if for no other reason than I am disenchanted by this movie
Okay. First off let’s talk about how this is the most over-rated movie OF ALL TIME. FOR SERIOUS. Move over American Beauty (WHICH I LOVE) and The Virgin Suicides (Which…I’ve never seen), Most Pretentious Movie has a new front-runner. Now, I have seen this movie before when I was like…8 or something ridiculous like that, so I tivoed it yesterday for a re-viewing through a McDonnell lense. WTF INDEPENDENCE DAY? Give our girl a total of 6 minutes of screen time? NOT OKAY. Granted, she was spectacular- as everyone would expect her to be. BUT WHAT? Emily and I both had ideas as to how to make this movie better after we viewed it. “MARY McDONNELL AS: ALIEN SHIP” – she would have gotten SO MUCH MORE SCREEN TIME. Or how about? “MARY McDONNELL AS : Little Girl.”- she’d get to wear a cool hat at the end, and again- more screen time. PLUS: She died. REALLY? The woman has a trend in her career, clearly- every time her characters are in a position of true power THEY DIE. And the doctors just kind of stood there? I mean, you’d think the first lady would get better doctors, my god. “We can’t stop the bleeding internally.” WELL CLEARLY YOU DIDN’T TRY. SHE’S STILL MOVING. Woman would have died in surgery. Do they know NOTHING of medical practice? “Hey let’s tape her arm with an IV and make it look like she’s dying.” Girl had to act under horrible conditions, clearly… people not knowing what they’re talking about. OY. Anyway- the picture for this one is tiny because so is her role. BUT SHE’S AMAZING. Seriously- three of her lines are “LIAR” and it’s adorable x3234897. You know what would make this movie better? More Mary.
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DONNIE DARKO.
SONG FOR MOVIE: Mad World by Gary Jules - some people think this song is creepy but I'm obsessed with it. K? Kay.
Now, once you get past the creepy-potentially-imaginary-bunny aspect of this movie? IT’S SO COOL. Everyone is in this movie. Seriously. It’s kind of ridiculous. Patrick Swayze being the head of an underground kiddie porn ring? TOTALLY BRILL. Daveigh Chase rocking out dance routines for no apparent reason? ACE. Katharine Ross…being Katharine Ross? NECESSARY. Drew Barrymore?<-actually I don’t really think Drew Barrymore’s character has any point in this movie except for a reason to put Drew Barrymore in the movie. No high school teacher acts like that…I live with one. I know. I WISH she acted like that. Really? After you get past the absurdity of these people all doing a movie together, it’s ridiculous. It’s actually a lot more “normal” then I thought it would be? I was freaked out to watch it, but a lot of people told me it was good on facebook? I watched it, and srsly- our girl Mary Mc broke my heart. BROKE IT. But she was SO amazing. This movie is also VERY quotable. Don’t believe me?: CHECK IT.
Donnie: [to his mother] How's it feel to have a wacko for a son?
Rose Darko: It feels wonderful.
TEARS, PEOPLE. TEARSSSSSSS. OR how about in the first scene Maggie Gyllenhaal and Mary basically throw sexism in everyone’s faces and are like “PSH WOMEN CAN MAKE MONEY BITCHES.” Not exactly like that, but you get the gist. Seriously, this movie has so much amazingness going on. I love it.
Gretchen: You're weird.
Donnie: Sorry.
Gretchen: No, that was a compliment.
UM I WISH I WAS COOL ENOUGH TO BE CALLED WEIRD IN HIGH SCHOOL. Wait a minute…
That was also necessary to your lives. This movie says a lot about non-conformity and how it’s not a bad thing not to fit in. I truly love the messages in this movie, and I just WISH it didn’t have anything to do with a creepy rabbit hallucination. ALSO: I don’t feel like I understand the complexities of this movie AT ALL. But I definitely try. Mary Mc did very well in choosing this movie. The script is perfection x239048.
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NOLA.
SONG FOR MOVIE: Overboard by Ingrid Michaelson - because it works for Emmy Rossum's character. AND I LOVE THIS SONG.
What? Really? WHAT? I remember being obsessed with this movie when I was thirteen and CLEARLY had no taste. You know what would make this movie better? A script. SERIOUSLY. Probably the worst screenplay to ever make it into a movie. NO character development AT ALL. All that aside…I do kind of guiltily love this movie. And I love Emmy Rossum. I do, and Mary and Emmy together is amazing and ..ugh. It was brilliantly acted with a horrible script. AND IT SUCKS because it had SUCH POTENTIAL. The potential was palpable. PALPABLE I TELL YOU. The story was so gooooood, if only they had hired a screenwriter. Any screenwriter…AT ALL. I’m not picky. OY. Not to mention- the end was totally SHARK JUMPING. Seriously. It’s like they made jumping the shark a sport and took it all they way to the olympics. AWFUL. But you need quotes.
Nola: I don't do men for money. Women either, for that matter.
Margaret Langworthy: Neither do I, honey. At least not anymore.
That’s like..the best line in the movie. Clearly. BUT Mary is super pretty as is Emmy so it’s kind of worth watching just so you can laugh at how ridiculously awful the decision to make this movie was. And Mary Mc as an upscale New York City Madame is kind of the truest thing ever. Especially when Emmy and Mary get all bffs with a drag queen. Seriously the absurdity makes it AMAZING/SLASH/AWFUL.
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PASSION FISH.
SONG FOR MOVIE: At This Point In My Life- Tracy Chapman - seriously. This song IS this movie. Don't believe me- LYRIC IT.
Oh Passion Fish…I am so passionate about Passion Fish. Not kidding. It’s pretty much one of my favorite movies of all time. When it ended I almost cried just for the fact that I wouldn’t get to hang out with the characters. When it occurred to me that they weren’t real, I was LEGIT upset. LEGIT. I’m CRAZY tempted to screencap the entire movie and deconstruct it. Y/Y? Soon enough. Basically the entire time I watched this movie my fangirl came out. When I watch a movie I get REALLY excited about, I literally stop in the middle of it about 15 times JUST to talk about how amazing it is. FOR SERIOUS. That, and I want the movie to last longer? I guess? And that way it does. Well I stopped watching Passion Fish probably 80 times…and when Emily, Judy and Kate all started to ignore my epic fangirling, I started talking to myself. Not intentionally- but I paused the movie more than four times and just said “AWWW MARYYYYYYY.” YES.
SO In the beginning of this movie Mary is CUTTING BITCHES. I was like “Shit son. It’s Anna Wintour at Rehab!” Cutting bitches and taking no prisoners. AND THEN you add alcohol into the mix, which I am ALWAYS a fan of- blatant alcoholism is pretty much my favorite thing in the world. It’s yours too, don’t lie. So when she’s throwing eggs and watching infomercials at 4am, she basically became me every day of my life. Only I totally wasn’t sideswiped by a taxi that I can recall. So…actually nothing like me at all. Whatever, a girl can dream-can’t she? LET’S TALK ABOUT DAVID STRAIGHTHAM IN THIS MOVIE. Why are he and Mary in basically every movie ever together? No idea. But they have an unnecessary make-out session/sex scene in basically every movie ever made. Even if it’s just a dream- as is the case in this movie. OMG IT’S A MIRACLE SHE CAN WALK! Just kidding. <-that’s exactly how the movie goes. In case you were wondering. ANYWAY: Him having five kids and a wife? LOSE. But Mary not caring at all? WIN.
ALSO: We must talk about the ridiculous woman that replaces Mary Mc on her soap opera. “I didn’t ask for the anal probe.” HA. WHAT? HA. Okay people that haven’t seen this movie are going to be ridiculously confused/slash/not want to see this movie now. When that girl went into her southern-infused recollection of her big break I almost decapitated a baby. That's how alarmed I was. I don't really see the point in it? I guess a lot of people thought it was funny, and I guess it was, but I was just more "WHO CARES, SON- MORE MARY."
Alfre Woodard in this movie...there are not words. Although I don't really get what that whole thing with Sugar was? Oh, so now that you're off drugs you need to start having sex on a more regular basis? I guess someone in the movie has to, since Mary's character CLEARLY wasn't. Don't get me started on the bathtub scene where Mary talks about BJs. Seriously? This movie goes EVERYWHERE. No boundaries. Except..it doesn't go places you can walk. Which is just about everywhere. PICTURE TIME
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REPLACING DAD.
SONG FOR MOVIE: You Don't Own Me- Diane Keaton, Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn -- NECESSARY.
I love everything about this movie. EVEN the southern accents. and the random suicide attempts. And Mary hitting a rapist with a baton. WHICH SHOULD CLEARLY HAPPEN IN EVERY MOVIE EVER, YO. Plus- Camilla Belle is adorable in this movie, and her and Mary are BIFFS. It's amazing. I'm not going to go in depth in this movie because there is just TOO MUCH LOVE here. But I believe you should watch it for all of it's Hallmark-Lifetime style goodness. Seriously. Woman is...well...normal, and then she realizes that being normal SUCKS and she turns into AWESOME. After her husband cheats on her, of course- BUT THAT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN- because men are pigs. Which this movie also teaches us... LOVE IT.
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MRS. HARRIS.
SONG FOR MOVIE: If Love Were All- Rufus Wainwright because it came on my itunes random and i thought of this movie. WORD.
Okay this movie is batshit. Not even a normal level of batshit..but APESHIT BATSHIT. That's how batshit it is. For those of you who don't know, I'm completely obsessed with Annette Bening. SO the fact that Annette Bening and Mary Mc are in a movie TOGETHER kind of makes my fangirl explode with rainbows and butterflies. That's how happy I get. BUT IT'S SO APESHIT. ALSO: the girl from Big Love is in it, so everytime I see this movie I'm like "OMG ITS NICKI. AND SHES NOT A POLYGAMIST. But she's stealing Annettes boyfriend- DIE BITCH" But annette doesn't kill her. She kills him instead. And it happens in like the first scene. I really don't know how I feel about this movie because I really don't like it, but it's so incredibly full of talent that I feel I need to watch it 80 times anyway. BUT Annette and Mary's ONE scene together is ridiculous. Poor Annette is all heartbroken and lonely and Mary pays attention to her awkward friend. That's what they are- AWKWARDBESTIES. Not unlike me and my best friend... only, I so wouldn't shoot my boyfriend...She might...
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TWO SMALL VOICES.
SONG FOR MOVIE: Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves - nuf said.
This movie is SO freaking heartbreaking/slash/amazing. Except Mary's character isn't only cancer-stricken and a victim of faulty breast implants, but also- she's bipolar. I'm diagnosing it right now. Because the editing in this movie is clearly done by a drunken college film student at some low-rate mid-western university. NOT LIEIN'. One scene she's on the verge of a divorce-the next she's happily married- the next she's on the verge of shooting her husband. And it's not like anything in the story has developed or changed to bring on this weirdness. OKAY SO: I love Gail O'Grady because I had a random obsession with American Dreams for a while and girl is fierce- BUT NOT AS FIERCE AS MARY. OMG Remember when Mary almost took a chain saw to Gail's neck at lunch because she found out she got implants for *GASP-COSMETIC REASONS-ENDGASP* Okay. Seriously though, this movie isn't exactly the best script- but Mary rocks it, as does Gail. The editing is pretty atrocious, but we look past that because it clearly didn't have a big budget, but it did have a big story to tell.
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